You Have Gotta Be Kidding Me
by TwiLighT7242
Summary: Edward Cullen's fellow geek-freak-at-heart, secret or not so secret crush, Bella Swan, is VERY oblivious about his feelings and advances... or is she not? The story of fudging up to be able to win. Wanna know what he did? All told in Bella's POV.
1. We Don't Have An Anniversary, Fucker!

**This should have been "You Have Gotta Be Fucking Kidding Me", but y'all know why I can't do that :P Plus, this will have a companion piece to be posted next month... I think... or Emmett's Theory sequel, perhaps?**

**YHGFKM is my sort of practice on writing one POV'd stories. Let's hope I make it :)**

**UNBETA'D. Let's admit we make mistakes and shit.**

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"Swan!" I hear him call me from outside my bedroom.

I groan. You have gotta be kidding me.

"Open the door! I know you're not sleeping in there," he shouts.

I cover the side of my face in indignation. There's no way I'm gonna open that fucking door.

"Swan, if you do not open this, I'll be forced to use the key," he threatens.

That fucker!

Soon, I hear the doorknob being twisted, and the next thing I know, he throws his body onto my bed, effectively making the mattress sink. He then slinks his arm around my waist.

"Get off my bed!" I complain, my voice muffled because of the pillow.

"Why would I do that?" he asks. "It's our anniversary today."

I huff. "Who the hell told you that?" Since when have we ever had an anniversary?

I reluctantly remove the pillow off my face and turn to look at him. Ugh, the glasses! "It's so early in the morning. Why wear glasses?"

He gives me a confused look. "What's wrong with wearing glasses? I always wear them, and you know that." He paused, a thoughtful look etched on his face. After two seconds, his eyes narrow at me. "Why are you changing the subject?"

I arch a brow, daring him to prove it to me. I ain't changin' no subject here.

"You are, Swan! I also don't get why you think in slang."

"Whatever, man. Just get your nerdy ass off my bed. We don't have an anniversary, fucker."

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***evil grins* Who likey? I'll try to post more later if you guys want.**


	2. Stop Answering My Thoughts!

**I'm reposting this one because there are changes, and I've given this to the PTB Back to School Fundraiser.**

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I don't know what my problem is, because I sure as hell am not PMSing, but I just can't seem to stop rambling about what he looks like. It's not that he has the cliched qualities of a nerd- wait, he _does_ have them. Huh.

"I have a name, you know?" he mutters from out of the blue while chewing on his cereal. I smirk, knowing that would be his reaction.

He walks toward the small coffee table and hands me cup of coffee. Hey, I didn't tell him to do that; he did this on his own.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," he muses. He rolls his eyes before leaving the dining table.

I take a fast look at his retreating form. "Stop answering my thoughts!"

"You asked for it," he retorts when he comes back with an apron on. It has always been like that, you know, him reading minds. For some freak reason, he gets to have a power. I love the special ability, but I hate it when it's used on me.

"Can't you turn that mind reading thing off?" I complain, waving my hands in the air.

He shoots me a stern look. "If I can, then I could have done that already."

I almost forget my condition as I am about to take a sip of the coffee. Luckily, its scent hits my nose before my lips make contact with the cup. Quickly feeling incredibly pissed, I close my eyes and shout, "Edward! You know coffee's not aloud for me! Have you forgotten this?" I point my fingers at my huge ass stomach. "How do you think your sister would react if I tell you to her?"

Is it wrong to feel good when I annoy the father of my baby? I mean, I'm taking revenge here!

I watch him as he close his eyes in concentration before taking my cup. It's so easy to annoy him sometimes... well, actually, most of the times.

I tap his hand to stop him. "Stop it. I'll be the one to do it." I pick up my coffee and make a move to stand up when I suddenly feel something wet streaming down my legs. I fearfully look down, eyes wide and mouth open, and see- "Edward," I cry, my hands flailing in the air, "my water broke!"

"I-I-Oh, shit!" he stutters, not knowing what to do. Finally, he realizes he should carry me out the house and into the car. Good thing we were prepared for this moment. I've put an emergency bag in there, just in case.

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**Do you like this version more?**


	3. Paranoia

2.

Due to Edward's normal-crazy-but-now-mixed-with-paranoia driving, we make it to the emergency room in only thirty minutes tops. A group of nurses immediately wheel me to a gurney. Each one is doing something; one helps me change my clothes, another phones my OB, one checks my pulse, another one keeps on tapping my arm to find the vein where she will insert the needle for the injection and the IV. The one missing is my baby daddy, who's probably dealing with papers to sign and then pay for.

"Five centimeters. Have you checked on her doctor?" one of my nurses shouts. I close my eyes so I won't be able to see the needles, and decide to go to what I hope is my happy place.


	4. Summer 2001, 15 years old

**This one's a lot longer than the past three, and I think I'll continue writing this _this _long. I can't promise constant updates, though. You know me ;)**_  
_

**Oh, and huge thank you's to all who reviewed and such. I didn't expect this one to receive much love 3**

**... which leads me to the next question: To those readers who's sticked with me through my 13 shit (yes, I counted my stories xD), which of all the WIPs - not including this, I guess - would you want to be updated more? *shrugs* I want to remove some WIPs on my list.**

**Anyways... let's go back to the story. A couple of things to be cleared up:**

**1) None of them time traveled. We'll go back to the present later... as in, _later_. :))**

**2) I'm keeping this BPOV for as long as I can... and hopefully, I can make a separate EPOV for this.**

**3) I hate long A/Ns but I'm a motherfucking rambler, so I'm so sorry you have to read until here. *whispers* Sorry.**

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_Summer of 2001, 15 years old_

I feel a tear run down my cheek as Leonardo Di Caprio a.k.a. Jack utters his last words. "Survive, Rose! You have to survive..."

Then suddenly, someone nudges my shoulder. I turn to Edward and stare at his bewildered face. He still looks so good despite the stink-eye and bored face.

"Seriously, Bella, you're crying for this?" he deadpans.

With my lower lip stuck in between my teeth, I manage to mumble, "But Jack died!"

He sighs in exasperation, shaking his head. "We've watched this for the tenth time this month, Bella. I want to watch Star Wars for a change!"

I try to act oblivious to what he said and continue to watch, my tears continuously streaming down my face. This time I'm not sure if the crying is still because of the movie.

I'm frustrated at what is happening to this world nowadays; people are changing; buildings are being constructed; Alice's mom moved out of our house after a three-week hiding from her husband; we were all about to enter high school; I am about to take my first ever driving test; and the most frustrating of all, Edward, as in, my right hand and fellow geek Edward, my _best friend_ Edward, is growing up a _devastatingly _handsome and _awfully_ tall teen. And I seriously don't have a clue how this happened or when this started, but, _man, _do I like it. He's somehow able to catch my attention over the past few months... and now... I don't think I can take it anymore. It's like I want so bad to burst, to shout my feelings on top of the roof. I'm beginning to think I'm starting to fall for him.

The problem is, I don't think that was ever his intention... and that he won't approve of this _at all_.

But a girl's gotta do, what a girl's gotta do.

So, honestly, I made up a plan to, you know, tell him how I felt. In my plan, we are going to watch Titanic and then bring up the scene just after the Titanic sank, the one where Jack told Rose never to let go. Then _bam! _I will tell him I love him. The only reason we have been watching this for almost a dozen times already was the fact that every time that particular scene came up, I just couldn't control my tears, thus, not able to profess what I have been planning from the start.

" Goddammit," I whisper inaudibly enough for him not to hear. In my peripheral vision, I see his shoulders slump in surrender.

"I never did get this part," he start, confusion evident in his voice. He was talking about the scene where Rose used Jack's last name as hers. "So, is Rose's granddaughter also Jack's?"

My eyebrows uncontrollably scrunch up in mixed amazement and shock, not to mention wonder. I haven't realized he did pay attention to the whole movie. He automatically earns brownie points for that, because, seriously, the guy didn't even want to watch the movie from the start! Gosh, I so want to kiss him right now. Swoooooooon!

_Maybe he'll be my first kiss... _my brain sighs.

Unfortunately it has also shocked me back to life. I must be frozen in my place, but, eh, who cares about me? He doesn't even like me the same level as I do him.

_You know, Bella, maybe it's time you fucking speak up to him. Am I right? _brain chastises. She must be right.

Nervous at what I'm about to do, I awkwardly clear my throat, which effectively draws his attention to me. _Don't blush, don't flush, don't let your thoughts turn into mush..._

"Edward."

He turns to me, pushing the frame of his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Yeah?"

I can't help but look down in embarrassment. "Don't you get tired of me? I mean, look at you," I gesture at him without looking, "you look more different, more..." I was about to say handsome but I don't want to waste my chances.

"More?" he prods. "More _what_, Bella?"

"N-nothing," I stutter, shaking my head. "Nothing, Edward. Forget it."

I feel him shrug beside me. That kind of stings, to tell you the truth.

"Can I play Star Wars now?" he asks, whining like a little kid. I nod meekly.

I take the time to close my eyes and let the tears fall down when he stands up to grab the Star Wars tape. I then cover my eyes with both hands, royally pissed at him, but, mostly, at myself. I wore my heart on my sleeve but it wasn't enough.

Soon, I hear him kneel down behind me, soothing me. "Bella, Bella? Why cry?"

"I'm such an idiot," I keep on chanting.

"No, you're not! You're perfect to me, Bella," Edward comments. Why does he have to say those things? Why does have have to make matters worse?

Why doesn't he love me?

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**Ahhh, the glory of puppy love... or first love...or - a fuck! I don't know.**


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